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Treat a friend at PizzaExpress

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Eating and shopping. Bam! Thats two out of three of everyones favouritepastimes right there (two out of four if you count snooping on Russia fromSarah Palins front room). If you could arrange a combination of a shop,dining facilities and a double bed with Angelina Jolie or George Clooneylying across it, youd never get people out of the place.

But like so many things that sound appetising in principle Im thinking particularlyhere of Mick Hucknall albums combining eating, shopping and canoodling inpretty much any permutation doesnt turn out to be so appealing in practice. Takechocolate body paint. Already the gift ideas sections of department storesare full of jars of chocolate body paint, which the sales staff will try toconvince you makes a fun, tasty and sexylicious Christmas present. Really?Do you believe that anyone actually uses chocolate body paint as part oftheir baby-preparation activities, as opposed to just keeping it in akitchen cupboard for three years before one day listlessly spreading it overcold toast when theres nothing else to eat in the house?

WIFE: John, why have you brought that jar of Nutella into the bedroom?

HUSBAND: Its not Nutella, its chocolate body paint. Wereboth going to get undressed and then Im going to spread it over you. Theysaid in the shop its sexy.

WIFE: Oh my God, Ive married a moron.

Sex and shopping is a tricky duo to pull off. What do you do? Take at facevalue the invitation by the salesman in John Lewiss bedding department totest the mattresses for comfort? Monopolise a changing cubicle in Zara for20 minutes? Shopping and eating is an easier partnership. Its one in whichretailers and restaurateurs never seem to lose faith: many designer clothesstores now host dining rooms, too. Westfield, the giant shopping mall whichrecently opened in West London, has more than four dozen eating placeswedged in between high- street-name shops and Bond-Street-brand boutiques.If you cant find something to eat at Westfield, theres something wrongwith you. If you cant find something thats edible, theres something wrongwith the food. You cant say the managers of this mall havent done all theycan to ensure that nobody suffers the indignity of having to walk more thanseven yards without being able to purchase something to eat.

Just as casinos let in no natural light so that you cant tell whether youvebeen gambling for six hours or betting on blackjack since Harold Wilsonsadministration, the idea of installing so many restaurants must be to giveyou no reason, from breakfast to dinner, to leave the Westfield mall andsample the local kebab-based cuisine of Shepherds Bush.

As a result, the competition between Westfields restaurants and caf foryour custom is so intense that it leads to some pretty inventive marketing.One restaurant prides itself on being fast-casual. Heard of that conceptbefore? No, me neither. It opens up a whole new way to define restaurants:slow casual; fast formal; relaxed semi-formal; slow Eurotrash white shirtopen to the sternum jeans-blazer-Gucci-loafers; swift beachwear-casual;leisurely but strictly-no-shorts.

So how was the coffee? Sacreds cappuccino was unremarkably drinkable.And I mean that in a good way. Skip the croissants, though. Too bready.

For lunch, I walked into Wahaca (they have valet parking at Westfield, but not yetvalet piggy-backing, which would be fun, wouldnt it?). Its one of twoMexican eateries in Westfield. No offence to Mexicans, but you cant helpfeeling that theirs is a bit of a one-note cuisine. Varying degrees ofchilli heat; choice of chicken or beef; beans or refried beans. Its cookerythat seems to revolve around different forms of flour pancake rolled,fried, stuffed with something. Maybe thats what makes room in the day forthe Mexican siesta. No need to waste time asking whats for lunch or dinner,because the answer is always: Tacos!

The dishes in Wahaca, the waiter explains, come when theyre cooked. Which isconvenient for the kitchen, but not so much so for the diners. Aspancake-based food goes, Wahacas makes for a decent enough lunchtime orpost-movie snack. The flavours are fresh, and everything tasted pretty good.The steak in the burritos was a bit chewy. I dont mean that in a good way.

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